Good Friday

"Mom ! We need to leave in 30 minutes to make it to Sunday school!" Wha? My bleary eyes shoot to the clock. Grrr. Why am I always the one to get the ball rolling? Rush rush. Feed toast. Throw on clothes. Grump at husband. Scurry stomp. Strap in wheelchair. Silent ride. Wave the palm branch. I sing songs from an empty heart.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That he would give his only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

It has been a day. Can't shake this funk. Kid forgot chores. Grit teeth. Raise voice. Skip exercise. Skip devotions. Feel worse. I apologize without feeling it.

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
bring many sons to glory

Two days later. Falsely accused. Can't let it go. "Others" are jerks. Nose in the air. It is hard to forgive, so I just lie to myself and pretend I do.


Behold the man upon the cross
My guilt upon his shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

Three days later. Still mad with no good reason. Don't want to hug. Don't' want to smile. Just push through the day. I skip bedtime stories with the boys in favor of mindless TV watching.

It was my sin that held him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

Four days later. Fake grin. I gloss over crabbiness like icing on a fallen cake. Talk like I'm good, forgiving, just, fair, while thinking the opposite of those I've chosen not to like. I realize this, ask forgiveness, and promptly do it again. And again.

I will not boast in anything
No gift no power no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Good Friday. I know I need to get my act together. Seth and I watch the Passion of the Christ. Horrified. Why is this called Good Friday? What was so good about it for Jesus? Indignant. "Those people". Well, if I were there, why I woulda... I woulda... wait. Think over this week. I would lie. I would be filled with pride. I would be a hypocrite. I would be unforgiving and ungrateful. This looks real. The torture and death he experienced: I realize that punishment he took was mine. It may be a movie, but it doesn't feel like it. He is looking right at me. Things are set right. Rivers of tears. True repentance. My burden is lifted at Calvary and I will have a happier family next week for it.

Why should I gain from his reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom



Song lyrics written by Stuart Townend